Category: Parent Talk
i've learnt that when your at a family member's house you can quickly luze control over your child and a situation.
when we were at my husband's granmaw's house for christmas, i'd find my self in many positions where I didn't feel like I was the mother. her house is no where near child proof, and why should it be, she has no babys, she's razed them all and deserves to have her house the way she wants it, but i felt like I was luzing grip because there were so many things for my son to get in to and he was constantly doing that, and instead of them telling me he was doing something and letting me correct the situation they'd take over and try to handle the situation them selves. I don't know why, but it really made me mad. at one point he had even got in to the kitchen and was trying to mess with the stove, and since they have nobs on the front of there stove where he can reach them, he was going for them. all the stoves he's been around have the nobs in the back way out of reach so this was like a new toy for him. so it was a constent problem, instead of letting me keep him out and away from the kitchen like I wanted to do in the first place, as he is not allowed in the kitchen at home in less he's in his hi chair, they wanted him in there and said they'd watch him yet they had to get on to him every 2 minutes. and every time i'd go in to take him out they'd tell me he was fine in there.
or he'd pick up an ornament or something he wasn't suppose to have and they'd say or do something to him before I even knew what was going on, and I just didn't like it, i told them i'd rather that they tell me if he is doing something he is not supposed to do and let me handle it unless it was a verry life threttening situation where there wasn't enough time to let me know, but they didn't respect my wishes.
it confused him because of the way they got on to him or handled the situation was verry different from the way i do it so now i'm having trouble. this makes me not want to go back to other people's houses. another thing is they'd let him do things that I do not let him do here at home, even though i'd asked them not to and so now he doesn't understand why he can't do this or that. i'm frustrated at the fact that they don't understand how emportant it is for me to have control over situations so it doesn't confuse noah.
another thing that got to me is he'd get in to everything, and then they'd ask me, how do you handle him at home by your self, i mean, he's just in to every thing, and i'd try to tell them that we did not have this problem at home because every thing he's not suppose to have is always put up and the home is verry safe and organized for him but they just saw it as me being a bad mother. they didn't say i was a bad mother but it gave me the empression that they were thinking it. and not all of them were that way, just one of his aunts that I don't get along with. she even got mad at me for asking my husband to change noah's diaper 1 time. lol. sorry this isn't the 1800's, min change diapers now, get over it! they just acted like i had commited a crime. and the reason why i asked my husband to do it? was because i was elbow deap in flour because i was making cakes and cookies. lol. I am glad christmas only comes 1 time a year, maybe next year will be better because noah will be able to comunicate with me a bit more. sorry this was just a hugely long ramble, but I needed to get it off of my chest and I wanna know how you guys handled your tottalers at other's houses.
I'm sorry if my advice isn't very helpful as I'm not a parent. Perhaps before you go over there next year, you could make it clear to these people that while they mean well in terms of trying to help you by looking after Noah, you have methods you are used to using to keep him out of harm's way, and you'd like them to step aside and allow you to deal with the situations as they come up. If they can't handle it, there's definitely something wrong ...
mona you aren't going to like my answer. it is one i worked at and on for many years.
my step mom is a lovely woman. kind and sweet as can be. however, she collects those cottages that are made out of some breakable stuff, little blown cglass ccreatures, bone china collectors cups, and sun catchers. obviously this was the perfect environment for two toddlers who were 15 months apart. every time i visited was so relaxing and special. i'm being very sarcastic. so i told her until my kids were in elementary school she could visit me. i said that i enjoyed her company so much that i didn't want to waste my moments with her chasing down and coralling the wildlife. after giving me a lecture about her perfect sons and discipline, she understood and we got along fine.
Boy can I relate. We've since moved away from most of these controlling pushy people and now have friends who understand our needs and accept that we are independent, capable parents. People offer to do things: change diapers, feed and so on, but we have a choice. When we all get together for parties or whatnot, we are surrounded by other little ones that everybody is watching and they just know to keep an eye out for Nathaniel as well. I used to be prideful about this because of past experience where people thought we were incapable of parenting at all just because Nathaniel spilled the dog water or got in their cupboards and was munching on cookies. Lol. We had a lot of learning to do. The friends that we have now also have tots his age so it's nice for all of us to just let him run and play. There are also teenagers around that just love to take care of a sweet rambunctious two-year-old. We make sure that when we do let him loose that their houseis child-proof or that others are fine watching him. Otherwise we use a leash so he stays within reach of us.
i've really thought about using a leash, i had my oan very strong views and apinions against this but of course that was before I had a child of my oan. now, it's eather that or noah end up hurt or worse, and other's are just going to have to get over it because i dont' want my kid hurt. never mind how crule it looks, I know my child isn't a dog, but something's got to give, we've got to come up with a safer stratigy here.
and we have used bells but the kid becomes so entranced with the bells he trips over his feat. lol. hahahahhaa, good good times!
mona, they have the cute leashes for kids now. it looks like a little dog or monkey or bear and the tail is the part the adult holds onto. i have one for savannah, but she is just now starting to walk, so i haven't used it yet. sighted parents use these also.
another option is pip squeakers. they are shoes with squeakers in the heel so when noah would take a step, it would squeak and you'd know where he was. my sister uses these for her daughter. personally i can't handle the noise of them, so i'll never use them, but they are an option.
i've looked for the shoes on line but can't find them, also looked all over austin, can't find them anywhere!
I may do the leash thing, I just don't know, I keep bouncing back and forth
www.pipsqueakers.com
They also sell them on Amazon. Thinking about getting some for Nathaniel.
ya, I have the pip squeaker shoes for Ayden, but they are loud! I can see them being real useful outside and that is a area that I worry about is playing outside once he is old enough. I just got one of the leashes as well and it's mickey mouse with the leash off the tale, they look really cute and personally I could careless what others think of them, with me it's safety first with my boy and that is it!
to post 1:
try to let them understand that, if you deciding to have the child, you are capable to take care of him in your own way. it might not be the best way according to their theory, but Nowa is your son, and you and your husband have the final parenting on him.
what you going thru is very common in the society. not limited to blind parents alone, lots of different generation parents have the same problem. old generation expect a different way of parenting from the new generation compare to the 21st centuary way of parenting, and thats fine, don't take this too personally.
well the thing is that there are lots of young parrents on that side of the family, some younger than my husband and I, yet we are the only one's who are treeted this way. i'm trying to not get all worked up over it, I just wanted to know how to handle it. thanks for your words
Hi. I can relate to this situation as some of my friends, in fact a great majority of them, treat me and my daughter Amina this way also.
That is why I don't go to parties or get togethers any more, because people are always correcting my child for me instead of telling me and then letting me correct her. They also assume that I don't know how to take care of her even though I have been taking care of her mostly on my own since she was born, although I had some help for about the first 2 months of her life just because I was a new mom and people gave me some guidance and advice and stuff like that. Anyway, people treat me like because I am blind I can't take care of her. That's why I don't hang around people any more that much because of their treatment, although that may be easier to do with friends than family, because family expects you over or whatever. Even sometimes my roommate puts me in this situation because she corrects my daughter without asking me or telling me, and it gets me very upset.
I am just counting the days until my lease is up and until I can leave this city! I like Austin as a city, but I guess the people I know make me frustrated, so I feel that my problem may be solved by moving and finding more supportive people that don't treat me like I am 2 and don't know how to take care of my own daughter! I am not sure if this is the best solution, but telling people doesn't seem to work here for me.
Also, the leash idea sounds interesting. I think I may try this when I am out or when I go over to someone's house, etc. That way I don't have to hear all the complaints from my roommate and others about how my daughter is taking away others' things and how I need to let my daughter be around other kids and hinting that I am not parenting her correctly. If I have a leash I will be near her when she is playing with other children and can correct her before anyone else steps in to correct her for me!
Sorry if I am wranting or complaining too much, but I can totally relate with the first poster!
Misty